I lost myself somwhere between pain and numb
Laying down, shaking uncontrollably
Sobbing, the deepest, darkest pain out of me
I felt like I left my body.

Sitting back, watching myself curl up on the bed,

trembling, twitching, crumbling

One part of me was telling me I was weak
Weak for being broken, not strong enough like everyone else
The other part, was proud for breaking down,
because the only way is up from here,

I lost my breath, amongst all the anger and fear,
and believed that right there, I was going to die

This raw pain, is not something I was subject to often,
but it is also something that was not new for me.

I felt angry. Angry that I was alone in this moment,
when I needed someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me it was going to be okay.

But, in that moment, I felt my other self, wrap their arms around me,
Tell me everything is going to be okay, and to surrender and completely love myself.

I picked myself up, I wiped my tears, I found my breath,

and I kept going…

I had not given up yet, so I am not going to give up today.